Today was hard...I had to keep a happy face on even though I wanted to curl in a ball and do nothing. That is not my nature though so I pulled myself up by my sandal straps and plugged away at my list of mundane chores. I found myself checking often to see if I got the text or call that would end the wondering of When? I only received a few updates of "she is resting peacefully" and "they adjusted her position so she would be more comfortable".
The kids laughed, fought, cried, teased, giggled, squealed and talked all day long! Yet, I was in silence. I walked around performing my duties and yet was able to gratefully function in silence. I think if I allowed the noise to come in I would crumble...so we got the pools out, we had a picnic, we took a walk and I mopped, did laundry and made dinner. Silently I waited to hear the news and as of yet have heard nothing. I pray for the ones at her bedside who have been rocks thru out. Making tough decisions, daily sitting by her side and not once complaining or wanting to go home and give up. I am honored to call them family and I am sad that I can not be there as well. Recently I was told her BP was really low and oxygen low, not looking good was the last text I got. The silence was broken and I realized it is happening sooner as opposed to later. I am going to lose one of the most important people in my life. I am grateful for silence as I pray and reflect on Grandma and her life and the fact that it is time.